Dear National Media,

The movie "Deliverance" was set in Georgia. Georgia is a state in the southern U.S. While a tiny portion of Georgia is included in the region commonly called "Appalachia", the vast majority of the state is located outside this region and shares little to no cultural traits with the rest of Appalachia.

Based upon this information, which has heretofore obviously escaped your legendary powers of fact-finding, please refrain from referencing the movie "Deliverance" or its main musical theme "Dueling Banjos" in your stories about Appalachian voters. We're asking politely. For now.

Sincerely,

Charles

So You Wanted WV to be in The Spotlight, Did You?

During the run up to the presidential election year there was lots of talk about moving the West Virginia Primary to a spot earlier in the year so our state's voters would be more relevant. By moving the election to January or February it would tend to focus the eyes of the country on us because the contest would still be undecided, which is rarely the case in May when we vote. Except this year, obviously.

OK, we had a test run this year. We got our moment in the national spotlight. Please, never, ever bring up the subject again. If the temptation to pass some new legislation overcomes our legislators, instead of fiddling with the primary date, let's hope they tackle a new state slogan. Here's what Jon Stewart suggested on the Daily Show:

"West Virginia: No Interviews Please!"

I quite agree.

In the Daily Show report on the Clinton landslide victory (you can see the video here), Stewart took a few really good shots at our stereotypical reputation and was aided greatly by three West Virginia women who had been interviewed by some national news media outlet. Here they are in order of their appearance:

First we have Mrs. Racist Yokel explaining why she wouldn't vote for Obama: "I guess it's the race thing. I just don't trust people of another race." For a really spirited discussion of whether race played a significant role in the election, see this post and comments over at Buzzard Billy's excellent blog. I gotta tell you, Billy, this woman sure takes a hard whack at your argument that our state isn't full of racist nut jobs.

Next comes Mrs. Religious Xenophobe, who says the reason she didn't vote for Obama was because he was a Muslim. She said it so matter of factly that it was clear in her mind that it was true. I wonder what she would have said if the reporter had told her he wasn't Muslim? I would like to have seen her reaction - who knows? Maybe she would have said "Oh, he's not? Well I'm still voting for Hillary", but that wouldn't have made as fun a story. Hillbillies are one of the last groups of people that it is politically correct to ridicule, so why miss a good opportunity like this one?

Then, we have this one, for whom I can't come up with a name. She says it's because his middle name is Hussein. "I've had enough of Hussein" she says vehemently. Obviously she has a bias against Arabs. I wonder if she voted for Nick Rahall?

These three spokeswomen really made me cringe. An especially nice touch is that they picked people whose accents were so pronounced that they had to have subtitles.

You might say, "But the Daily Show is satire and supposed to poke fun at stereotypes." Agreed, and the piece was quite funny, but it wasn't was just the Daily Show. Watching the Sunday news talk shows today was torture as West Virginia was pounded by pundit after pundit as being a racist and backward state. Every network had its examples.

My question is this: Do national media types look for people to interview who they think will fit the stereotype they are reporting on? This is not a new, post-CNN phenomenon: I recall when I was just a lad seeing a CBS news report on the famous "Pot Plane" crash at Yeager (then called Kanawha) airport. This happened in Charleston, on Keystone Drive. I know people who live on Keystone Drive and they are normal folks who look and sound much like I and most Charlestonians do. But they found a guy to talk on camera who honestly sounded like the village idiot from some holler in Mingo County. I remember thinking then how it seemed that every time we hit the national news we have very poor spokespeople.

And so it goes. And I fear it will go this way for a long, long time. So please, let's rethink the idea of intentionally putting our voters in the national spotlight.

We ain't ready for prime time.

Wireless, yes, but do they have a grammar checker?

Sign at the corner of Jefferson Road and Kanawha Turnpike.

An Open Letter to Unlikely West Virginia Voters

We can make a difference this time. A HUGE difference.

Our Democratic primary election is almost always irrelevant, coming too late in the season to really matter. I recall my mother and father being proud that West Virginia made such a huge difference in the 1960 presidential election because it was thought that a Roman Catholic JFK couldn't possibly win here, and when he did - by a landslide - it put him over the top in the eyes of the country's pundits. The meager number of delegates he won didn't do it; rather it was the statement that was made by the way we overcame our stereotypes, xenophobia and prejudice and said that this candidate transcended those things because we thought he was the right person for the job.

This time it could be bigger.

According to all the pundits Hillary Clinton should dominate Tuesday's vote in West Virginia because of simple demographics and the the perception that we won't vote for an African-American. She is sitting precariously on the edge looking down into the abyss of defeat in this nomination process. She is clinging to the "certainty" of a victory in our state to keep her life support going for one more week, to keep the fund raising going for one more week, to keep the contest alive for one more week.

We can end it.

If all of the people who are unlikely to vote (which sadly is the majority of our registered voters) were to show up on Tuesday and drop Obama's name in the ballot box the race will be over by Wednesday morning. Add a few "undecided"voters to the total and the defeat would be stunning. It would be of historical proportions. We could tell our grandchildren about the time that West Virginia made a huge difference in the outcome of a national election. We could tell them about the time when people put aside their prejudice and voted with the majority of the country for a presidential candidate.

I can't change your mind if you are for Hillary, and I don't want to. Vote your conscience. And if you have strong ideological reasons to vote for either candidate I am not tryng to convince you otherwise. But if you are undecided or one of those people who won't go to the polls on Tuesday (or before!) because you aren't interested or have been disillusioned in the process, go vote for Obama because it could be the most inluential vote you will ever make. This is your opportunity to make a difference and do it on the national stage.

We can put West Virginia on the map. Just think of the real benefits we would reap if we asserted ourselves as political players. Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, people will quit asking us if we know their aunt in Richmond.

Theater Review

I think I go to more live theater performances than the average Charlestonian, probably 6 or 7 shows per year on average. That probably qualifies me as an expert (West Virginia law, so I'm told, allows anyone who knows more about a subject than the average person to be admitted in court as an expert, so if anyone out there needs a theater witness just let me know). Tonight I attended Capital High School's production of "Phantom." The show was as good as one could expect from a high school theater department and featured some phenomenal talent, including two girls who were finalists in the Symphony Idol competition held earlier this year.

The most powerful performance of the evening was put on by the air conditioning in the theater. It ran full blast from the time I sat down 30 minutes before the show started until 15 minutes before the 2 1/2 hour show ended. For nearly three hours I got to experience what it must be like to be the ice trays I keep in my freezer. I sat right under the vent and despite my best efforts at shielding myself from the constant assault from the frigid wind I felt positively hypothermic by intermission and deep into the second act I felt as if I had ice crystals in my hair. It was a miserable experience. When the air finally went off I began to warm up and soon I was drifting off to sleep.

But I was awakened by the real reason I felt moved to blog this evening: Rude people who talk during performances.

At "Phantom" I found myself sitting in front of two women and a man who seemed to be oblivious that there was anyone else in the theater. They spoke in normal voices as if they were sitting in their living room and discussed the quality of the voices of the players, the props, the music, EVERYTHING! They started talking shortly after the house lights went down and had comments on each new development on stage throughout the show. "Oh, she has a pretty voice" they said after the lead (Sarah Pauley as Christine) began to sing her first aria. Well, duh?! They usually give the lead to the best singer, don't they? Does it require a play by play commentary from you?

I've noticed that more and more people talk during live performances than they used to. I think that people are so used to watching TV and chatting through programs that they just have developed an insensitivity that makes them forget that they are disturbing others and sometimes they actors with their banter. But then there is the whole answering the cell phone during the movie thing to give weight to the argument that people are just stupid, thoughtless and insensitive.

Anyway, go see Phantom if you're a fan. It plays twice more this weekend. But take a parka, mittens and a hat. And perhaps a "Quiet Please" sign.

WSAZ TV Weekend News

It really frosts me when I try to watch channel 3 news on the weekends. During the week they have a nifty split newscast with a 10 minute Charleston only news segment (hosted by Penny Moss at 6 and the lovely Jessica Ralston at 11) that focuses on what's important to us here in the Capital City. But on weekends and holidays they scrap the Charleston cast and show only the Huntingtonized version, which has a ratio of about 4 Kentucky stories and 3 Ohio stories to 2 Huntington stories to maybe one Charleston story. I can always find out whose dog got run over by the volunteer fire department's truck in Paintsville, but I can't get a follow-up on the murder investigation on the West Side.

And it pisses me off!

This is the Capital City, darn it, and we deserve a newscast that tells us what's going on, don't we? OK, we have WCHS and WVAH (ABC and Fox) who seldom venture beyond the city limits for a story, but their weekend anchor team makes those Sunday afternoon Public Broadcasting college news shows look like network pros by comparison: They giggle like middle school kids through most of the newscast and act like it's the first time they ever read from a teleprompter every weekend. It is unwatchable.

Channel 3 usually has a more seasoned person in the anchor chair at least. It would just be nice if they weren't setting up some cub reporter's story about farmer Brown's cow getting stuck in the mud in Grayson.

Charitable Giving is Rewarding. Very Rewarding.

The Clay Foundation is without a doubt the largest private foundation in Charleston and gives a lot of money every year to many deserving charities and community groups who are trying to do good things for our City. Started by the late Lyell Clay in 1986 with money he made in the newspaper business, the foundation has been run since its inception by Charles Avampato, who was an accountant with the newspaper's publishing company and a relative of the Clay's by marriage. Mr. Avampato has become a recognizable name in the Valley largely because his name is on the Avampato Discovery Museum inside the Clay Center, but he is also well known because he controls the purse strings on the biggest purse in town when it comes to people and organizations looking for funding for community projects. Avampato is well thought of by those to whom he has doled out mucho denaro over the years.

Having a job like this must be rewarding. To see your name on a museum must be rewarding. To know you have had a hand in some large community projects that have made Charleston a better place to live must be rewarding. It must give him a good feeling to know he's done a lot for the community.

But the Mercedes dealership doesn't accept warm and fuzzies for payment. I guess that is why Avampato is rewarded handsomely in more tangible ways. How, you ask? How about $260 per hour? Rewarding enough?

According to IRS records, Avampato works 26 hours per week on average and in fiscal year ending 2006 was paid $296,000 in salary plus a retirement contribution of $44,000. $340,000 for 26 hours per week! That year was no fluke, either: His pay has steadily increased over the last few years, but it has been in the $300K range for the past 3 years at least.

For 26 hours per week.

Just think if he decided to go full time!