Sunday, September 30, 2007

Parent of the Year Nomination

Scene: A High School football game at Laidley Field on Saturday night.

The Cast:
Me - An Observer
The Mother - Maybe 30 years old.
The Mother's Friend - A Little older.

The Story: It is an exciting game. Early in the 2nd quarter the home team is ahead but the visitors are threatening to close the gap. A real nail-biter. The Mother obviously has a son on the team and she is really into the cheering, especially when her son is on the field. She screams very loudly and very enthusiastically, and very annoyingly to everyone around her.

Suddenly, over the PA system: "There is a 4 year old child wearing a Spiderman shirt who has been separated from his parents. If this could be your child, please report to the stadium office."

The Mother - looking around: "Where is Chris? Have you seen Chris?"
The Mother's Friend: "I don't know. He was right up there. (points to the top of the stadium). I don't see him now."
Mother - returns to cheering: "Go Offense! Take that ball down the field!"
Friend: "You think that could be Chris they're talking about?"
Mother: "No, they said he's 4. Chris is 5."
Friend: "Didn't he have a Spiderman shirt on?"
Mother: "I don't know. He has a Spiderman shirt, but I didn't notice what he was wearing - GO! RUN, RUN, RUN!!!"

5 minutes pass

PA Announcer: "There is a 4 year old child wearing a Spiderman shirt who has been seperated from his parents. If this could be your child, please report to the stadium office."

Friend: "You think that's Chris?"
Mother: "They said he's 5. Chris is 4. GO! RUN! FIRST DOWN!"
Friend: "I'm going to check to see if it's him."
Mother: "GO!!!!! RUN THAT BALL!"

Friend disappears toward stadium office.

Five more minutes pass. Friend returns.

Mother: "Was it him?"
Friend: "Yeah, I told him to get his butt back up there (points to the top of the stadium) and stay there with the other kids."
Mother - turns around and looks toward the top of the stadium: "Chris! I'll bust your butt when we get home if you leave again!"

Me- Sinks into depression over the future of the world.

5 comments:

The Film Geek said...

Unbelievable! Just utterly horrific.

MountainLaurel said...

Oh, that's so disturbing on do many levels I don't even know where to start.

The Duck said...

I don't know. Football is awfully important. And they did say he was five after all. How could it possibly have been him? .....

Jackie Lantern said...

Disgusting? Yes. Am I surprised? Not at all. And that disgusts me even more!

Thanks for sharing this though :D

~c. said...

I think I've seen that woman.